You want a daughter with an epic destiny and a love of Jimi Hendrix? Name her Hera.
I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy. I’m not sure that you can really get away with naming your daughter Hera. The pantheon of Greek gods just haven’t really inserted themselves into popular baby name culture. The last guy named Zeus was a part-time wrestler and part-time President, but ultimately he peaked early and vanished from public eye, never to be seen again. And while I like Icarus as much as the next guy (which is to say, not much), they’ll call him Icky for the rest of his life, and dudes named Icky just don’t land the prom queen, you know? So maybe I’m way off here.
It’s just… look, I’ve been watching a lot of the new Battlestar Galactica lately. I know I’m late to the party, but holy crap is this show good. It’s so good that even though it’s on Syfy (sigh), I recommend it to actual women. It soothes the ragged hole in my chest where Lost punched through my sternum and ripped out my heart. Really, Lost? You’re going to leave me like this, in a church? Really classy, JERK.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand… So I’m watching this show, and I’m thinking that Battlestar Galactica must have hired some of the most talented name-smiths in the business. Everyone has names that are almost real, but not quite. Kara Thrace, Galen Tyrol, Tom Zarek? These sound like people you might meet, but trust me, you never will. Hell, even the robotic Cylons have perfectly normal names, like Sharon, and <SPOILER>, <SPOILER>, <SPOILER>, and my favorite, <SPOILER>.
So <SPOILER> and <SPOILER> have a child, and they name her Hera, and from that moment on, every single character is speaking her name about every 2.6 seconds. ”Where’s Hera?” “Don’t take Hera!” “Hera is the key!” “Hera drew this picture of scary things.” “This war is great and all, but we should call timeout and go find Hera.” Seriously, there’s an entire episode where every single line of dialogue is about Hera:
“I dreamed about Hera last night.”
“Really? I also dreamed about Hera. <SPOILER> was there, too.”
“Who me? Sorry, I’m totally out of it… I couldn’t sleep, since I was dreaming about Hera all night.”
“That’s weird. Are you going to take Hera from me?”
“Of course not, I love Hera!”
“Sorry, who’s talking right now? I’m losing all context here.”
“It’s okay,” said Hera. “Can I draw another creepy picture?”
So now I think Hera is a totally sweet name for a kid. You’re not going meet any other Heras on the playground, and if anyone asks, just tell them you named your daughter after the jealous wife of Zeus. After all, you’ll never know for sure that your best friend down the street isn’t actually a Cylon, right? She might be looking to snatch up your kid and hop a Raider back to a Basestar. As parents, we must take every precaution if we want our children to survive, even if that means TRUSTING NO ONE. It might sound a little paranoid, but these are desperate times, and above all, watch out for <SPOILER>.
So say we all.